Cast of Characters, Part 2: The Perv

From Getty Images, by Tristan Paviot.

Perhaps my favorite patient of the whole motley crew was a young Hispanic male who was present in the ward before my admittance and remained past my discharge (i.e. he had issues that kept him there past the average five days). We'll call him Patient X.

He spoke only Spanish. It's hard enough trying to communicate with psychiatric patients in the same language; add a language barrier on top of that and it's next to impossible to convey even the simplest idea. The staff really struggled to treat him. There was occasionally an interpreter for Patient X, but not always. With or without an interpreter, he had to be watched by a staff member at all times.

Why, you ask? Well. Patient X was a pervert.

He would come into female patients' rooms while they were changing and give inappropriate hugs. Physical contact between patients isn't allowed anyway; a lingering hug with a hand drifting toward a boob is definitely not allowed. Thankfully, outrage is an emotion easily conveyed across all languages. Patient L frequently threatened violence, and he seemed to get that.

Patient X was strange in other ways. The staff always referred to him as "confused." I'm not sure why he was in the ward (The Big Three, schizophrenia, bipolar, whatever). Even when he had an interpreter translate for him during groups, his comments weren't entirely coherent. Something about "healing his wounds". Nice and poetic, but doesn't actually say much.

When he wasn't watched, he'd move mattresses from room to room, rearrange the furniture in the TV room, or just crawl on/under the furniture. During an evening wrap-up group, without warning, he did an army-crawl under the coffee table and had to be escorted from the room. Another time, during a morning community meeting, Patient X climbed on top of a chair, peeled an inspection sticker off a ceiling tile, and ate the sticker. Things like that. Therapist Hard Stare yelled at him, "[Patient X name], down!" -- like he was a dog. It's easier to get through to a dog than it was to get through to Patient X. I suppose when you're particularly frustrated with the failures of communication it's easy to devolve into such base methods. Down, boy!

He also made a complex tower of Jenga blocks in one corner of the unit. For someone who crawls all over the furniture, I was impressed by the detail and care that must have been put into the two-foot-tall skyscraper, complete with window arrangements and a lightning rod. The staff summoned the interpreter to ask Patient X about the tower (for it was truly unusual behavior for Patient X), but they couldn't get a coherent answer from him, Spanish or not.

While this "confused" behavior was entertaining (and frustrating), it wasn't nearly as interesting and funny as his more licentious behavior. I saw him drop his pants in the TV room in front of at least other three people, and when I told Therapist Verdigris about it, she just sighed and said, "Again?"

He also dropped trou and whipped out his dick at Patient Y.

While I was not a direct witness to that event, the heightened level of scrutiny over Patient X supports the validity of the story.

Strangely enough, Patient Y didn't seem particularly bothered by the flashing incident, despite being upset by things like Patient L's goth wardrobe. Alternatively, Patient L flipped out every time Patient X tried to touch her or come in her room. Guess you can't predict how people will respond to... "confused" behavior.

At least he wasn't dull.

From Getty Images, by Ghislain & Marie David de Lossy.

"Confused," indeed.

Groups, Part I

Yes, I just used Comic Sans. It's supposed to be ironic.

Chalkboard background from here.

Every day, roughly a half-hour after the morning Community Meeting, there would be Education Group, which is a group session that isn't therapy per se, but a therapist-led discussion of a specific topic.

The topics during my stay were as follows: Anger Management, Bad Habits, Affirmations, Teen Suicide, Substance Abuse, and Stress Management.

(Yes, that's only six topics and I was there for seven days, but one day, between Teen Suicide and Substance Abuse, the ward was so understaffed that we didn't have Education Group that day. No hospital is perfect.)

I can't say that I learned much in any particular Education Group. The day on Bad Habits was mildly interesting; I do remember the concepts of payoff versus trade-off, but Affirmations and Stress Management just made me want to bang my head on the table, which is never a good idea in a psych ward because that's something someone Really Crazy might actually do, and you don't want to seem Really Crazy, not if you want to get out any time soon.

Every patient is urged to go to every group session, of which there are usually four in a day. Out of 25-to-30 patients, less than 12 would show up to any given Education Group, on average. The other groups (community, process, and wrap-up) tend to get better attendance. Not sure why. My theory: Education Group is less about ME, ME, ME than the other groups, and god forbid everyone's desperate need for attention not be the driving force of a discussion. One day, when the subject was Teen Suicide, I chose not to go to Education Group. I was particularly tired that day because of my med changes, and I just wanted to sleep. Based on the generally low attendance, I figured it wouldn't be a big deal. WRONG.

Horror of horrors, missing a group session! Because I'd showed up to all other groups, except Anger Management, which was on my first day so I could get away with not going, and I don't have anger issues anyway so I just assumed that it wasn't mandatory for me-- Anyway.

Anyway, because I'd showed up to all other groups at the time, save one, I'd developed a reputation among the staff for being a good and involved patient (i.e. a patient who went to groups). This change in my behavior sent up red flags.

All I wanted to do was get some more sleep, really. That's all.

Which is what I told my roommate when she came to fetch me because I hadn't shown up. And what I told Perky Nurse when she came to check on me to make sure I was okay (again, aberrant behavior sends up red flags). I even said it to Therapist Chipmunk, who runs the Education Groups, because she came to my room herself after the group was over to see why I hadn't shown up. Being disrupted three times, I didn't get much of the sleep I was seeking. By that point, I was ready to snap, "What? Do you bother every patient who doesn't come to your stupid group? Because if you do, you've got plenty of other rooms to visit."


Of course, I didn't actually say that.
Because I'm a Reasonable, Cooperative, and Generally Well-Behaved patient.

It was just so damn hard, being that tired. But I smiled and apologized and assured I'd never miss a group again, etc. etc. -- all for her benefit, and the restoration of my good reputation.

Still, despite all that, it's still more common among the patients to skip groups than to go. In addition, every group always ends with fewer patients than when it started because one or two or three patients invariably end up walking out of the group. Usually without a word, they get up and go, chased off by whatever is happening in their minds.

Despite my reputation for coming to all groups, when it came to Education Groups, I ran the gamut of attendance options. There were three groups I went to, two groups I outright skipped (to varying reception), and one group that I walked out of about halfway through -- just the one group, and that was Substance Abuse. I don't have a Substance Abuse problem, so relating to those who do is difficult for me. Listening to the other patients was more than I could handle, particularly Patient Y, who is apparently addicted to every substance on this planet, professed as each substance was brought up in the conversation. I just can't stand attention-seeking behavior like that. Me, me, me. That's just how it is with these people.

Patient L tried to make the argument that cutting (that is, self-injury) is an addiction, but she walked out even before I did. I brought up behavioral addictions (like sex or shopping or gambling -- maybe even self-injury, if you should so argue it) because the idea of a sleep addiction was on my mind. That had come up during my very first Process Group, and it stuck with me. Still, the focus of the group was substance abuse, and that just doesn't fall under my list of issues. I didn't get any grief for skipping that one (mostly because it wasn't led by Therapist Chipmunk, for a change). The change in behavior went unnoticed.

I'm too tired to write any more. Goodnight.
Time to go tend to that sleep addiction of mine.

 From Getty Images, by Elke Meitzel.

Yep, this is pretty much how I roll.